Elevator Etiquette

Have you, or anyone you know, ever been in an elevator and have it stop on the floor in which you wish to exit, but before you can, someone abruptly tries to enter the elevator? Well you obviously haven’t stepped outside into the real world then.

This happens continuously at the dental school. May-be it’s because our elevators are so old and people are tired of waiting or that people are just that eager to be treated by students, but for one reason or another, they are coming at you like a freight train once that door is open. You might think to yourself, “How am I going to combat this?” Well I have developed a somewhat rudimentary cure to the intrusiveness of these people. I call it ‘crowding the front.’ It takes enough people in the elevator to make the car appear full, but in all actuality, has plenty of room.  It will take an elevator crew that is completely united in this common goal for this to work (If only one or two people crowd the front, they will be trampled.). The larger people in the elevator must be closest to the doors.

Once the doors are open, the assailant will be met with a wall of people so large, they he/she has no choice but to back down and let the people withdraw from the elevator.

So if you find yourself waiting on an elevator in the days to come, be courteous and observe proper elevator etiquette. Wait for the people leaving the elevator to completely exit before you try and enter.

A special thanks goes out to Nick for bringing this complete lack of human decency to my attention. 

The Homeless

Well, the seasons are changing and the days are getting longer and warmer. You know what that means. Yes, you’re right. The homeless start to emerge from hibernation and start to inhabit the street corners with their nice cardboard signs that are requesting you to give them you hard-earned money.

Now there are some things that particularly annoy me about the bums, which is what the homeless were formerly called before everyone had to be so PC.  The first thing is them hanging out at intersections. When I am in route to school, there is a certain stoplight that will have a panhandler there approximately 85% of the time. “Homeless. Anything helps. God bless.” I think they always put the latter on there to make people feel guilty. I never do. I always think, “If I give this guy money, I’m being an enabler. I’m contributing to his ‘disease’ that is laziness.” They actually did an expose on this issue on the local news one night. The panhandlers informed the reporters that they tend to gravitate toward the nicer areas of Memphis, because they are more likely to make more money. Very sneaky, bums.

I think I have much more of a right to ask for money than these people. If I saw a young person standing on a corner in downtown Memphis with a cardboard sign in front of him/her pronouncing, “Dental student owes government $150K in student loans. I worked extremely hard to get where I am. Help fund education. Anything helps. Thanks.”  I think I would much rather give my $$$ to them, someone who’s worked really hard rather than someone who won’t put forth the effort. If someone can say ,“Can I have a dollar,” they can also say, “Welcome to Mcdonalds.” I really don't think there's an excuse.

If you’re not from the greater Memphis area, I have to let you in on a little something something. The city of Memphis will allow a person to beg for money, or panhandle, as long as they go by the courthouse and get a permit. The permit costs $10. Ridiculous.

I was surprised one night as I was leaving the Kooky Kanuck restaurant on 2^nd Street downtown. There was a man and woman sitting in front of one of the vacant buildings, and as I passed with a takeout box of catfish I didn’t finish at dinner, they asked, “Excuse me sir. Can we have your leftovers?” I was completely taken away. It was the first time anyone had ever asked for my food, not money. I was more than happy to give it to them and if I were not a poor dental student, would have happily bought a meal for them.

In closing, I would like to take the time to tell everyone that before throwing away your money on people you don’t even know, put it toward funding the education of a hard-working dental student. I can directly connect you with the dental student of your choice, and by sponsoring a dental student, a student like me will have funds to eat, minimize debt, and have a modest entertainment budget. Today, many students around the country need your help. Donate today. 

Facebook

Well, I’m in a good pissed off mood this evening. I, and when I say “I,” I mean my fiancé, was looking at a Facebook page for a woman who is baking and selling cakes out of her home. On one of these cakes was the name, “Emmaline.” Are you freaking kidding me? If you haven’t, please see blog entry “Kids with ridiculous names.” It made me want to jump into oncoming traffic. Anyhow, that has led me to this post… Facebook.

First off, I’m completely addicted to Facebook. I check it numerous times a day for no reason. Who’s updated their status? Who’s uploaded new pictures? No one has commented (unless it’s about this awesome blog). Nothing new has happened. What it HAS done to me is make me completely aware of idiots writing stupid things I’d rather not see, but because of my addiction, I’m forced to see. Sometimes it’s like a giant blinking arrow pointing to the name flashing “IDIOT!”-“MORON!”-“STUPID!”

I will not single out any posts that have annoyed me to the point I had to say something about someone, but I WILL give examples/advice to the users of Facebook who insist on making similar posts…

-‘You all’ as a contraction is Y’all, not ya’ll.
-When you post a picture of yourself and someone else, don’t caption it “Him and I,” this, too, is incorrect.
-I never want to know what you’re “fixing” to do. Nothing is broken.
-Apparently it is necessary for all females to end posts to other females with “girl.” “Thanks, girl!” “Happy birthday, Girl!” Wow… [As an aside, this makes me think of the Demetri Martin skit about the phrase ‘sort of.’ It’s just a filler. Here’s your homework assignment- Watch that video. ]

-Spare me you stories about the medications you are taking for anxiety. If you think it might make people think of you differently, you’d be right.
-Status updates on Facebook are labeled as “sharing what is on your mind.” Don’t take advantage.
-I can’t quite figure out why people post song lyrics, but it pisses me off when I see it. After too many of them, I just hide that person. I’m still your friend, but I no longer give any credibility to what you say.
-You know, I think I DO want to play ESPNU’s College Town (or any other ridiculous game). Thanks for the invite. NOT.

Another thing that I have noticed lately is that people want to “check in” to certain places and let me know about it. “Matt has checked in at UT College of Dentistry.” I think Facebook would be an excellent tool for a robber. I would love to see that update. “Burgler checked in at Your House.”

I think that I am generally intolerable of other people’s views and thoughts on a variety of subjects, which has probably lead to the formation of this blog. I find myself judging people pretty hard based on status updates. For instance, when someone is complaining about how they’ve had 3 months off of school for the summer and they “haven’t even been out of school that long,”… Well, I have news for you- that stops. I’m still in school, but our breaks are significantly less than what they were, may-be 4 weeks at the most. Also, I like the ones that, again, being slightly judgmental, talk about the most insignificant, petty things and make huge deals out of them. On second thought, I’m not going to mention specifics, but you know. Okay, I can’t help myself: 1) I’ve taken business classes at college, I promise you, they are NOT hard. 2) Community college, I have no experience, but come on... 3) Pharmacy students. Here’s my impression:

Pharm. Student 1: “I can’t believe we had to get to school at 10AM today!”
Pharm. Student 2: “I know. At least this is our only early day this week and we can go home at 2.”
Pharm. Student 1: “Yeah, because I have to go to work this afternoon.”
Pharm. Student 2: “Me too. Don’t forget that we have our ‘long day’ tomorrow, 1:00-5:00P.”


I’ll close with a quote from Mark Twain. “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Until next time…

Kids Today...

I’ve found myself saying, “I’m sure I wasn’t THAT bad at that age,” too much lately. It seems like kids these days have gotten more annoying and generally disrespectful. Just this weekend, I went to the Wolfchase Galleria (which by the way is something one should never do on a weekend unless it’s an absolute necessity) and as I was trying to back up out of a parking space, a group of three 13-15 year old girls were walking immediately behind the car. I stop, as to not run them over, and one of the girls looks at me, sticks out her tongue, makes some weird face at me and keeps walking. Part of me wanted to reverse so fast, roll down the window and tell her, “Excuse me, skank. If you look at me like that again, I’ll slit your #$%^* throat. Thanks.” If I would have known that I would’ve gotten away with it, I would have.

I blame most of it on the parents. I’ve told myself I will be much better at parenting than these idiots. They’re probably the ones who don’t believe in reprimanding their children appropriately (i.e. beating them) and also think they’re just “expressing themselves and that’s healthy.” Obviously it pisses me off to the highest exponent one could imagine when I see a child “expressing” themselves. It makes me want to express myself on their face. A few months ago I was eating with my fiancé at Lennys. It was my first time ever eating at one so as you could imagine, I was excited. Now as you also know, first impressions are everything. As I go to the fountain to get a Diet Coke, a young boy, probably around 5 years of age, rushes at me from behind, pushes me from the fountain, and proceeds to fill his cup. I stopped. I looked back at his mother. All she said was, “Son, stop.” No movement. Not getting up. The kid is running around like he has ADD, which in his defense, he probably did. I start to fill my drink, again, and he comes back. The little bastard does it again. Now the mom peels herself from the vinyl of Lennys’ booth and pulls him back to his seat. All I got from mom was, “Sorry.” No Mom. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re a moron and have given birth to such a troll. May God have mercy on your soul.

I have a "soon-to-be-relative" that will remain nameless, but I think she needs parenting classes. She is a prime example of what not to do as a single parent. We'll take a few steps back in time and try and figure out where the, now 14 year old female, went wrong...

Let it be known I have known the child since she was 7 and at age 7, she was a smart kid... very dramatic, but smart. Well as she got older (around age 12), she started to develop this terrible attitude. Her grades were still very good but she was extremely focussed on being popular. She tried out for cheerleading number times and never made the squad (she never practiced, she just tried out). She started acted out more frequently and on a couple of occasions, directed the "F word" toward her grandfather. It sickened me. The mom tells us, "Well, DAUGHTER left last night to go outside walking (clue to mom... this is never good) and I thought I smelled smoke when they [daughter and a friend] came back. I mean I've found cigarettes in her room before but this smelled different." So the family asks, "What did you do about the cigarettes?!"  Mom replies, "Well, I took a couple and smoked them." (mom is a former smoker) Long story short, daughter eventually lets mom in on her smoking pot on a regular basis. Mom gets mad and send her to Chicago to live with her dad because the dad is "better" at punishing her. She stays all summer and supposedly with a renewed sense of self, she goes to the local mall and gets picked up for shoplifting. This was around Thanksgiving. What does mom do? Nothing. She gets community service issued by the local juvenile court. At Thanksgiving, she starts complaining of wanting to "go out" with friends and needs gas money. Gas money? For a 14 year old? I had to ask her, "Why do you need gas money?" Her reply, "Because these guys won't come get us unless we pay them." Wow. After finding out the guys were 18, I didn't even really know what to say, so I let it fly! "So you're paying 18 year olds to drive out here and pick you up, 14 year olds. What breed of loser are these guys that they have to hang out with girls your age, and how big of a douche are they that they force you to pay them to come get you?" She got mad and walked out to wait on her taxi. Mom lets her go with these guys, and I ask mom, "So what are they like?"  "You're right. They're losers. I don't know why she likes them," says mom. Wow. Great parenting.

On a somewhat related note: I don’t know if you’ve heard, but about 20% of the female students at a local Memphis high school are pregnant and/or have had a baby. WTF? They are asking for more money to help teach better sex education classes. I’ll be the first one to say that I do not condone pre-marital relations, but I have an idea that may help this situation-birth control. Obviously there’s no one at this high school that knows about it. May-be they should check into that. 

I pray for the future of this nation. As always, my rant has forced me to a point of mental frustration so severe that I cannot bear anymore. Peace. 

Oh, and I would love some more followers. Thanks.

Wal-Mart

Oh yes... Wal-Mart. The almighty low-price megastore. I HATE Wal-Mart. I hate going there. I hate thinking about it. Even the uttering of the name makes me quiver. It could only be me or the particular Wal-Mart's I've been frequenting, but these are the reasons why, if given the chance, I would give Sam Walton a kick to the testicles so quick and hard that it would actually force them explosively from his mouth.

136 aisles, 5 are open

I will be the first to say that is probably isn't necessary to open, realistically, all 30-something lanes, but only 5 or 6? What really pisses me off is when I get there, seeing that there are only a handful of cashiers checking out, and people are lined up to the main center aisle. Then you have all of the idiots with 7 weeks worth of groceries going through the "20 items or less" lane. Sometimes I talk loudly about these people while they're a few feet in front of me in hopes they realize their shopping faux pas.

The Wal-Mart Shopper

I don't want to cross any lines here because I know we all shop at Wal-Mart at some point, and again, this could have much to do with the Wal-Mart's I shop at, but these people are idiots.

It all starts when I pull into the the vast asphalt desert that is the Wal-Mart parking lot. I pull up the center aisle and BAM! Slam on my brakes! Why? Because this Wal-Mart shopper feels the need to wait 10 minutes for Granny to put her groceries in her Cadillac to get her spot because it might be 5 feet closer that the very vacant spot three spots down. I have found to prevent this from happening, I will sit in my car and wait until no one is waiting on the spot, then leave. If someone is behind me and there is an equally accessible spot in close proximity, I'm waiting them out, and I will win.

Then I make my way into the store and am trying to navigate through the aisles when I am halted by someone that feels the need to stop in the middle of the aisle and look for what they need on shelf, rather than scooting their buggy to the left or right to allow me through. The Wal-Mart shopper is so rude.

Continuing on my pleasant journey through the white and blue aisles of torture, I remember that I need something off of my wedding registry, so I go to the jewelry counter to print one. What? Out of paper? What now? I go to the counter to ask the 16 year old female texting if she can fix it. It was literally like I asked her to perform open-heart surgery. She went through the same steps I did, as if I was completely incapable of pushing buttons on a screen, then determines I WAS right. She proceeds to tell me how the girl that works the shift before her should have done it and it wasn't her fault. I don't care. Fix it.

This isn't happening as much anymore, but t still annoys me when I see the kids skating around the store on the shoes with wheels. I've thought about tripping them a couple of time when the parents were away (which is the problem), but I can't bring myself to do it. I did however see a boy try to skate from the inside of the store to the outside and when he did, he fell on his back. I don't know if I've ever felt so happy to see someone fall.

I'm adding this after this post was submitted because I thought of a couple other things about this amusement park of torture that I forgot to mention. Have you seem the plethora of carts left in the parking lot?! Why are people so lazy? I watch people every time upon leaving the store, they will just push their cart between 2 or 3 cars and leave it. *Insert loud scream here.* These are probably the same people using the fat carts in the store. Then there are those people who drive the wrong way up the lanes looking for parking spots. I like to call them douche-bags. They're usually a very small woman driving something like a Ford Excursion or an elderly person at least 103 years of age, either way,  they make my Wal-Mart experience at least 54% less tolerable.

Fat Carts (see like-named post)

I can't even talk about this anymore because if I did, I think my brain will explode.

In closing, I have a hatred for Wal-Mart that burns inside of my like the fire from one thousand suns, and now you know why.

Peace.

Kids with ridiculous names

You've heard of these names. Names that parents give their children that are so ludicrous, you not only feel sorry for the child, but also for the parent for being so stupid. I will use what I like to call the "And your kids' names are..." test (patent pending) to measure how much of a moron a person is. Here's an example:


KIDS NAME : WHAT IT SAY ABOUT YOU AS A PARENT
Matt: You're a genius. (obviously)
Sarah: Normal.
Ashley: Normal. 
Josh: Normal
Timothy: Normal. 
Ashton: Borderline. You're probably 25% moron.
Ainsley: Borderline again. Spelling could affect this one. For instance, if the spelling were changed to "Ainslee," you would be at least 50% moron.
Britley: I guess this is a combo between Brittany and Ashley. This leads me to believe that combining 2 100%  normal names equilibrates into 1 100% absurd name.
Most names ending in -aden or a derivative thereof: These seem to be fad names right now. Aiden, Braden, Caden, Jayden, Braylin... The list goes on and on. What this tells me about the parents want to be different, just like everyone else.


Proving your stupidness as a parent to me is not limited to the name chosen for a child, but could also involve the amount of names (people with more than three names (first, middle, last)) or spelling (to which I have already eluded). I think the spelling of a name is very important;however, some parent really screw up this one. It is possible to take a seemingly normal name and totally annihilate it. Examples:


Good names : Not as Good Name
Emily : Emmalee
Ashley: Ashleigh
LaDasha: La-a
C.J.: Ceejay
Landon : Landynn
Cassidy: Kassidee
Melissa: Milyssa


I think parents are setting their kids up for a lifetime of "no, it's -lynn/-eigh/etc"


Celebrities have their own unique way of being idiots. First of all, I don't know where actors and musicians got the idea that their opinion matters more than anyone else's, but that may be a topic for another post. I can only conclude that these people, although I would pay to see in a movie or to hear them perform, would never associate with them in the real world. Here are some of the best that, when I heard them, there were/are no words I can describe the degree of sorrow I felt for one person/couple being so dumb. May God have mercy on their souls.


Tu Morrow
Apple
Jermajesty
Pilot Inspektor
Moxie Crimefighter
Moon Unit
Diva Thin Muffin
Audio Science


So parents... step up to the plate and use a name you like, but don't overdo it. I get it. You want your child's name to be different, or unyque (unique), but don't be a idiot. 

Nurse Practitioners

Nurse Practitioners. Wow. Who are these people? Allow me to enlighten you...


As I go to a college of health sciences, I feel like I know more than the average Joe about the different careers. That being said, NPs really annoy me. For those of you who don't know, this is a NP as stated by the Mayo Clinic:


 NPs are registered nurses (RNs) who are prepared, through advanced education and clinical training, to provide preventive and acute health-care services to individuals of all ages. Today, most NPs complete graduate-level education that leads to a master’s degree. They work independently and collaboratively on the health-care team.

So, most nurses go to school 4 years to become a nurse, then go another 2 years to become a NP. That's it. These people are prescribing and diagnosing up a storm with, in my humble opinion, minimal clinical experience. I'm not sure how competitive it is to become a NP, and that scares me a little as well. A cousin of mine has a bachelor's degree in nursing and a master's in nursing administration. She told me she didn't become a NP for the simple reason there's too much liability and not enough experience. 


Now if I ever have to see a NP, I hope I get the nurse that got her 4 year degree in nursing, worked critical care for a couple of years, and then went to NP school. I hope I don't get one who traveled a different path to get there. What path you ask? I'm glad you did. Let's look at scenario #2. 


There are some programs, Vanderbilt, for example, who will do a 2 year accelerated nursing degree then another 2 years to get your master's (the only requirement other than grades and a decent GRE score is that you have a degree in something). What this means is that I could have went to college, picked up a degree in Leisure Management (yes, it exists) and in 4 years be telling you, "you have a virus, so here, take some antibiotics." 


What scares me more than scenario #2? Scenario #3. There are actually ONLINE NP programs. I'm not even going into this. If this doesn't scare the heck out of you, you're an idiot. 


Another thing that pisses me of, when I think about it,  is the DNP (Doctor of Nursing Practice) degree. I actually saw a clinic once where this was the sole acute care provider. I guess his patients call him doctor, and if I had to guess, he wouldn't have it any other way. 


A friend of mine was forced to go to student health at school and was fortunate enough to see the NP on staff. He had a couple of bumps come up on his face after falling asleep in the woods while hunting (idiot) and wanted to know what they were. While the NP is examining him, she opens her laptop, pulls up Wikipedia, and begins to look for a diagnosis. Are you f*****g kidding me? She told him he had Shingles. She was wrong. 


My apologies for the length of my rant, but I will close with these statements...
1) If I can help it, I will never see a Nurse Practitioner. 
2) I will ALWAYS make fun of someone who has DNP degree and who is a primary care provider.
3) It pisses me off more that so many people going into nursing go into it expecting to become a nurse practitioner OR certified nurse anesthetist. (yeah, you barely passed general chemistry, changed from pre-med to nursing, and now you're going to put me under general anesthesia. I think not.)

Stay classy, Memphis.