Nurse Practitioners

Nurse Practitioners. Wow. Who are these people? Allow me to enlighten you...


As I go to a college of health sciences, I feel like I know more than the average Joe about the different careers. That being said, NPs really annoy me. For those of you who don't know, this is a NP as stated by the Mayo Clinic:


 NPs are registered nurses (RNs) who are prepared, through advanced education and clinical training, to provide preventive and acute health-care services to individuals of all ages. Today, most NPs complete graduate-level education that leads to a master’s degree. They work independently and collaboratively on the health-care team.

So, most nurses go to school 4 years to become a nurse, then go another 2 years to become a NP. That's it. These people are prescribing and diagnosing up a storm with, in my humble opinion, minimal clinical experience. I'm not sure how competitive it is to become a NP, and that scares me a little as well. A cousin of mine has a bachelor's degree in nursing and a master's in nursing administration. She told me she didn't become a NP for the simple reason there's too much liability and not enough experience. 


Now if I ever have to see a NP, I hope I get the nurse that got her 4 year degree in nursing, worked critical care for a couple of years, and then went to NP school. I hope I don't get one who traveled a different path to get there. What path you ask? I'm glad you did. Let's look at scenario #2. 


There are some programs, Vanderbilt, for example, who will do a 2 year accelerated nursing degree then another 2 years to get your master's (the only requirement other than grades and a decent GRE score is that you have a degree in something). What this means is that I could have went to college, picked up a degree in Leisure Management (yes, it exists) and in 4 years be telling you, "you have a virus, so here, take some antibiotics." 


What scares me more than scenario #2? Scenario #3. There are actually ONLINE NP programs. I'm not even going into this. If this doesn't scare the heck out of you, you're an idiot. 


Another thing that pisses me of, when I think about it,  is the DNP (Doctor of Nursing Practice) degree. I actually saw a clinic once where this was the sole acute care provider. I guess his patients call him doctor, and if I had to guess, he wouldn't have it any other way. 


A friend of mine was forced to go to student health at school and was fortunate enough to see the NP on staff. He had a couple of bumps come up on his face after falling asleep in the woods while hunting (idiot) and wanted to know what they were. While the NP is examining him, she opens her laptop, pulls up Wikipedia, and begins to look for a diagnosis. Are you f*****g kidding me? She told him he had Shingles. She was wrong. 


My apologies for the length of my rant, but I will close with these statements...
1) If I can help it, I will never see a Nurse Practitioner. 
2) I will ALWAYS make fun of someone who has DNP degree and who is a primary care provider.
3) It pisses me off more that so many people going into nursing go into it expecting to become a nurse practitioner OR certified nurse anesthetist. (yeah, you barely passed general chemistry, changed from pre-med to nursing, and now you're going to put me under general anesthesia. I think not.)

Stay classy, Memphis.